It’s been a week or 2 since my breakdown and I am feeling a lot better now. 

So much less drama in my life.   I’m still annoyed a bit, and I find myself wanting to reach out to the very person who hurt me someties, but I stop myself, so I won’t have that pain again. 

I’ve coe to a couple of conclusions about my situation too.  I’ve realized I too much of a chicken shit to actually do anything about it right now, so I will just suffer in silence some more. 

I’m still really worried about my mom. Despite what she says, having a sore not heal for 2 months is not a good thing.  I still find it amusing that she stopped asking e for help with her bandages simply because I told her I need her to be on a schedule snd that I can’t just come running to help her when she feels like it. 

I just, I know life isn’t easy.   I just wish things would go my wat sometimes.

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I’ve been meaning to write something for a few days now, but just could never get the time, or maybe the courage to do so. 

I’m just not doing all that well emotionally right now.  I’ve got a lot of stress in my life and I am having a really hard time dealing with it all.  

I had a breakdown at work last week and I was a complete wreck.    I couldn’t stop crying for 2 hours and at one point, I felt like I was going into shock.  

I just don’t know what to do anymore.   I’m overwhelmed at work, I’m overwhelmed at home, I’m a little heart broken and just so unhappy with a lot of stuff.  

I need a vacation, a real vacation, but can’t really afford to do anything right now.   Shit, even going to a neighbor island for a weekend would be close to $500, I think.  

I just feel like my whole life is a mess right now.

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So, Thanksgiving was the other day.   Happy Thanksgiving!

It went a lot better than I expected, although the holiday blues really hit me hard later that night.

We went to my cousin’s for Thanksgiving this year.  He made a turducken!   I just find the whole concept so amusing.  It’s just complete american excess.    It was alright.  I just not a big fan. 

We also had an incredible amount of desserts.  There was something like the equivalent of 6 pies for 11 people.  It was nuts.  

Best part of the night was just being able to hang out with their dog Daisy.   She really is just the sweetest puppy.  

Later that night though, ugh, the depression really hit me.   It hit me hard.  

I just get really sad during the holidays.   A lot of it is because I wish I had a loving family of my own – had someone who really loved me.   And every year, I just get so upset that I don’t have that. 

Plus, it’s rough trying to deal with a certain person right now.    Someone who gets upset when I get jealous, and it’s like duh, of course I’m jealous.  I’m jealous that he’s in love with someone else and not me.

I’m just tired of it all.  I just hope I can one day meet someone who will love me as much as I love them.  

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