Frightful
I had a bit of a scare yesterday. Now that my Grandma is gone, my Mom and I rule the house. Yippy! So what does that mean exactly? Not much actually, but now that she’s gone we can clean up a bit. It actually is kind of hard to clean this place with my Grandma around since she doesn’t go out. It’s hard because in order to reorganize things, I have to make a mess and bring stuff into the living room, so I have space to move some of the big crap out of the closet, but I was not able to do that with my Grandma around, unless I did that at like 2 in the morning and I wasn’t about to do that.
See, my Grandma likes to have things neat. She doesn’t like clutter, but she also doesn’t like it when I throw things out because it could still be useful someday. There was this one time when I was throwing some stuff out from the closet that I might eventually move into and it was just so frustrating that she had to inspect what I was throwing out. What was frustrating about it? Well, I was throwing out boxes of my Grandpa’s old medical supplies – stuff that has been stored down there for from before my Grandpa passed away 16 years ago. It’s like “hello! you haven’t used this stuff in 17 years, I seriously doubt you are going to find a use for it now!”
But I digress. Yesterday my Mom was working on breaking down some boxes to throw out and I was in the kitchen making dinner. There is a step in the garage that is maybe 6 inches high. But because my Mom is a large woman, to put it mildly, this step gives her problems because she can not lift herself that high without some help. After she was done breaking the boxes down, she decided to clean out the trash can. The garbage can is right next to the step and she says she lost her balance while taking the bag out and fell down.
She managed to move herself to an area where there was more room for her to maneuver, but I guess she was down on the floor for about 10 minutes before I heard her calling for me. She had to call for me because she could not get herself up. I saw her sitting on the ledge, on the verge of tears, because she could not stand up, by herself, from a sitting position.
It was a bit scary too since I tried to help her up for about 5 minutes, but she is just so large that I didn’t have the strength to lift her. But we tried a different hand grip and I was able to pull her up, but it was scary. I mean, what would she have done if I wasn’t here?
It’s all just so incredibly frustrating for me. I do not want to sacrifice my life to take care of her and my Grandma, but I get such feelings of guilt if I feel like leaving them. It’s like I feel like I am obligated to look after them since I have nothing else going for me right now.
I am hoping that maybe this will be some sort of wake up call for her, but deep down I know it won’t be. I know she is going to keep on eating the same fatty foods that she is used to and she is going to keep on eating all kinds of sweets and use lots of sugar in a lot of things. I just don’t know what to do wither her anymore.
December 22nd, 2006
I didn’t work out on Tuesday since I thought I should take a rest day – well that and my Grandma left for the mainland on Wednesday and so she was up late.
