I am tired, so very tired, yet I still can’t seem to get to bed at a decent hour. I don’t know why. It’s not like I am playing my game until really late. I have actually been unplugging a little and watching some movies again. Which is a good thing since I am still paying for my Blockbuster subscription. LOL.
Work has been hectic, yet not hectic lately. I mean we really aren’t as busy as we were last year, but there are still a lot of things to do. I thought we were going to have enough staff to fully cover everything this year, but I was sadly mistaken. 99% of the office is part time. Which is kind of good in a way since it kind of limits all of the things that my boss can have us do. But, I know that it also really stresses out seasonal people out since we are in crunchtime and someone has to be there to cover these things and my immediate supervisor doesn’t want me to get that involved with that work for some reason. I don’t know. I will still try to help out wherever I can though.
One reason why aren’t as busy too is because there simply isn’t enough money to go around. Which also makes me wonder about the efficacy of some of these programs that people are fighting for funding for. I wonder if anyone has ever really done a study to see if funding these programs does give us more benefit for the dollar rather than sending the funding to some other program that is more consolidated. But then I suppose you run into the issue of favoritism and funding not being distributed “fairly” or something. It’s quite an interesting dance.
Man, that does make me seem so pessimistic though. I don’t know. My views on politics have definitely changed over the years, I don’t know if for the better. But I do try to take a more rounded point of view now, I think.
I really should be sleeping though. We have one major deadline today, which shouldn’t be an issue at all, but Friday. Oh Friday – that is going to be the mega long day where we most likely will be there until midnight. It should be interesting though. There was kind of a party atmosphere last year. I really didn’t have anything to do most of that night except to run to pick up reports when they were available and I am not sure if that is going to be much of an issue this year or if it is going to be worse simply because the funds aren’t there.
Then there is the swine flu. That has me worried too. Here is a swine flu tracker via Google maps. It’s kind of disturbing watching all of the little flags pop up everyday. I really should get to Costco and pick up some provisions just in case though. If anything, it would be like an early hurricane provision supply stock.
It’s been an interesting week so far. I finally got my old laptop back from the office, so I can now websurf from bed and also apparently get used to this keyboard again. Yippy!
We had a weird electrical problem in our office on Monday where half of the outlets shorted out, so everyone except for 2 people did not have power for like 4 hours. We all thought it might have been a bad circuit breaker, but it just turned out to be a metal plate came loose from one of the desks and hit a plug, which caused the breaker to trip. It was kind of a nice respite since we really couldn’t do anything all day. It also meant that we got behind in a some stuff, but thankfully not that much.
We are getting into crunch time at work. It doesn’t seem as stressful as last year, but things haven’t really started in earnest yet. Things will certainly be interesting next week.
We are also supposed to be under a flash flood watch starting from tomorrow, so I wonder how much rain we will be getting. I’ve missed being in a good rain storm. I also have my wind up flashlight and radio at the ready in case anything gets too crazy.
I’ve just been feeling kind of down today. I just realized tonight that it’s been just about 3 years since I came back to Hawai and I am still trying to put myself back together after the breakup. I mean, I don’t feel as broken as I was 2 or 3 years ago, but I know that I am still broken and still feel like I am in a kind of limbo. I need to work more on my personal wellbeing, but I still haven’t been able to figure out how.
I want to be happy – with myself and with my life, but I just don’t know how. It’s frustrating. I can sit back and analyze my life and what is going on and think of an action plan, but I just can’t seem to be able to implement it. Maybe it’s a matter of faith. I am such a cynic that I just don’t know if I have faith anymore.
I don’t know. I just don’t know. At least I do have some happy moments, as pathetic as they may seem. I really love it when my cat cuddles up next to me when I go to bed and how she will still be there when I wake up. Yea. It’s the little things.
It’s late, but I am working on something I promised someone I would do a month ago. Doh.
I have just been so tired lately. I wanted to blame it on PMS, but it is a little early in the month for that. I think it’s just because I don’t get enough exercise, so my energy levels are just the suck lately.
I have also finally realized that I have been surrounded by a lot of really “negative” people lately. Now, I wouldn’t call myself an optimist by any means. I would go so far as to call myself a realist for the most part. However, I have been told that I am a “positive” person because I usually give people the bright side of bad situations.
But, all of this negativity is starting to take a toll on me. It just makes me feel like I am not doing anything right anymore – that all I do is fail, constantly. I mean, I don’t think I am, but I feel like I am.
I am just really glad that a co-worker is taking Friday and Monday of next week off. She probably thinks that the whole office is going to implode without her there, but she is a big source of stress for me, so I am looking forward to her not being there for a couple of days. I mean, sheesh, we are not incompetent. I am sure we can get through 2 days without her.
One thing I am not looking forward to is that our season is coming to an end soon, so that means I am going to be losing my parking stall in a few weeks. It is such bullshit though. I go in every day and the person who comes in 2 days a week gets to have the stall. Grrr.
Wow, it is really late. I really do need to sleep.
Maybe it’s because it’s that time of year when things are pretty slow at work, but I know full well that we are all going to running around like crazy in a few days. Maybe it’s because I have still not actualized my resolution to concentrate on the moment and think of only the positive. Or maybe it’s because I am getting so damn sick and tired of coming in to work in the morning and have my co-worker start bitching about stuff before I can even sit down and turn my computer on.
Argh, I am started to get so fucking annoyed with my co-worker when she does that. I can’t even sit down and she is already grumbling because the boss frustrates her too. She started bitching me out about some letter that neither of us wrote last year and was basically implying that I wasn’t doing my job because I didn’t do it, even though we had both agreed last year not to write it because we questioned the ethicness of it. Fuck.
I mean, I know she is frustrated, but I still believe that a lot of her stress and frustration is simply self imposed. We both know and understand how the boss works. I already explained to her that it is her choice on how much she is willing to sacrifice for this job. I mean, I know it is her choice to always come in 30 minutes to an hour early and to stay until 6 or 7pm every night. I just hate it when she takes that frustration out on me.
Gah, then she gets annoyed with me because I try to find out what exactly is going on with various documents and what is going on with the seasonal workers. I mean, hello! I deal with the public more than she does, wouldn’t it be a good idea for me to get the information so we can just deal with these people, give them the information so they don’t keep calling back to find out if we got that information for them yet? Argh!
I can’t wait for this damn season to be over with, but I am just wondering if the boss is going to schedule some kind of meeting the day after it’s over like she did last year, so we don’t get the day off – like just about every other office in the building.
Well, on the plus side, we are all getting free massages at work tomorrow/today. Yay! That should be awesome.
So, I’ve been contemplating what to write for quite awhile now, and I just can’t think of anything. Doh!
Work is going alright. I will admit, things aren’t quite as hectic as they were last year and I think it’s a combination of things. It’s partly because my boss forgot this one thing that she usually does every year, so we aren’t doing that this year.
It’s kind of nice though.
This has been an interesting week so far though. I got to meet up with an old friend from college who is visiting from the continent this weekend which was really cool. I hadn’t seen her in 10 years! We were both a little grayer, but it was just nice to hang with her for awhile.
This is also going to be the last week that one of our interns is going to be in the office so we are going to take him out to lunch tomorrow. We are still trying to think of ways of razzing him though. Ugh, I wish my printer wasn’t out of ink. I have this really funny picture of him with an asian Ronald McDonald and it would be hilarious if we blew it up and gave it to him. I also just found out that a controversial issue might come up at work tomorrow though, so who knows if the boss will make it to the lunch or not. I am really hoping that we can just go home after lunch. That would rock. I would then be able to get all of my errands done that I have been putting off for a couple of weeks now.
I think I have pretty much decided on the treadmill I want to get and the price has come down a little – I just hope the store will assemble and deliver that puppy otherwise I will pretty much be SOL.
I am really, really, really dreading the last couple of weeks of April. I have a feeling that I will have to work a lot longer hours then since our essential seasonal workers are both part time and still going to school. It is either going to be completely crazy or things are going to go really smoothly simply because there won’t be as many items to go through because of the budget. We’ll see.
Oooof, I have been mulling over this post for the last few days. I don’t know why I have such a block. I think part of it is because even though I used to be pretty open about a lot of things and communication is so much easier with technology nowadays, I find that the technological ease of information dissemination makes me want to not be as open as I was previously.
Maybe it’s because I am older and not as internet savvy as someone younger than I am who is just used to having everything out in the open now, but as I get older, I find that there are more things that I want to talk/write about, but because of these new forms of communication, I am less likely to “share” myself with more people. I don’t know. Maybe I am just weird about these kinds of things. Well, I know I am a little weird, but maybe I am just a little weirder than normal about these kinds of things.
Oh yea and my picture a day thing has pretty much fizzled out. My life is just too boring right now and I pretty much just ended up taking pictures of the same things over and over again. I still need to upload like a month’s worth of pictures though.
I’ve also just been feeling so incredibly frustrated with myself lately. One good thing about meeting my friend this weekend is that it got me thinking about my life and well, my attitude.
I realize now that I really have been focusing more on that what could have or what I think should of been instead of just accepting things as they are and projecting a more positive future for myself. I just need to accept me for who I am and not think that I am less of a person because I am not some kind of nobel winning scientist or something.
It’s late, I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, so I am gonna sign off for the night.
