Archives – August, 2009
It’s late, (surprise!), and I’m sitting here in bed listening to Night Ripper by Girl Talk. The man is a muscial genius. It’s definitely not for everybody though. I think I’ve written about him in the past, but he’s like the ultimate mash up artist.
Anyways, here I am, writing again. I’m not sure why. I still need to catch up on email. I also just feel like these last few posts have been me sticking my foot in my mouth. Whoopsies! I just, I don’t know, just need to vent sometimes. I guess everyone does every once in awhile. It just feels weird for me.
So I’m glad I got to hang out with my friend F tonight. It’s also weird to come to the realization that we’ve now known each other for 25 years. Yikes! I feel old. But it’s cool because there is a certain level of comfort you feel just being able to vent to someone you’ve known for sooo damn long knowing that they will be non judgemental – even if you say some crazy ass shit to them.
It was pretty helpful for me though. I got to flesh out some thoughts on some stuff that I’ve been thinking about for a couple of years now, but never quite knew how to articulate it.
But now, it’s really late and I really should get to bed now.
August 30, 2009
Yea, so, I guess that last post was a bit melodramatic. I really need to write more when I’m not so tired, but damn my time management skills! They are the suxxors.
I know I have been really moody lately though. I really do need to start working out and doing yoga again. I know my flexibility has been shot to hell simpy because I haven’t been stretching like I used to.
It’s just really annoying for me. I mean, I don’t mean to be moody like I have been, and then it happens and then I feel embarrassed or ashamed at how I acted and it seems to make things worse. At least I can sometimes recognize it, but by that time, I also wonder if I haven’t already ruined any interpersonal relationships I have.
Well, I’m falling asleep here. So much for catching up on email tonight. Doh.
August 30, 2009
Like most of my other posts, I really shouldn’t be writing right now and instead should be sleeping. But it’s been so long since my last update and there are just some things that I really need to get off my chest.
I’ve been feeling pretty down for the last month. I did something that I thought would be empowering for me, but instead it just made me feel like crap – sad, lonely, pathetic crap.
It’s just that whenever something good happens in my life, something happens that just makes it fall apart for some reason. I don’t know if it’s self sabotage or just my karma, but for once, just once, I wish I could be #1 or that I just for once, didn’t feel like such a complete fuck up. I mean, I really don’t know if I am doing this to myself, or that the universe just does not want me to be happy – ever. I know, I know, I am supposed to draw on my own strength and confidence, but what do you do when those things have just slowly been eroded over the years, so you aren’t sure what’s left anymore?
But, anything else I write on this is going into a private post, so that’s all I am going to say on the matter.
I’ve been really stressed out at work lately too. My boss is just, well, my boss and things are getting so out of control nowadays too. I took an extra long weekend this weekend as a mini vacation, and while it helped, I don’t think it helped enough. I am just seriously dreading all of the work I am going back to in the morning. I am trying to figure out how many emails I am going to have when I get back. I am going to guess that there are going to be over 100, but I’ll see.
I have been taking more pictures lately though. Mostly because it’s just so easy to upload pictures from my cell phone – and the picture quality isn’t that bad either. I am still not up to the picture a day thing. I do have some ideas for some art projects that I might actually be able to pull off though, which can be exciting.
But that’s the second yawn in 2 minutes, so I am off to bed.
August 25, 2009
